thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
