so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
