I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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