Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
