i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
