the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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