Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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