how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
