it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
