Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
