I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
