Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
