It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
