Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
