you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
