I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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