Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
