how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
