Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
