How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
