Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
