I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
