I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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