Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
