It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
