who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
