Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
