Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
