She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
