she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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