ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
