Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
