In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
