So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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