It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
