My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
