Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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