I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How external is "for external use only"?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
