Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
