Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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