I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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