i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
