Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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