Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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