Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
