No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?