This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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