I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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