Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
