help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
