he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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