Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
