Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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