i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
