Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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