I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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