I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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