How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
