you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
