I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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