I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
