Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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