Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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