you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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