I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
