Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
