So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
