I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
