she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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