dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
