Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
