Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
