take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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