bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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