After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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