We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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