can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
