Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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