the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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