I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
