You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
