Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
